just tired

but it was not a lack of sleep
but a lack of hope
and happiness
that made her act the way she did

roads

I don't like the way smooth skin feels underneath my fingertips
It reminds me of a slow unwavering road.
I don't like when the sun gets in my eyes and you flood so vividly into my brain
as if you were the sunshine exploring my thoughts in the early morning.
I don't like the way my fingers sting at the end of the day
from the incessant picking that always leads to the taste of pennies in my mouth.
I don't like the way you always used to call me by my first name
when you knew it was something I grew to hate.
I used to love the feeling of my sheets tangled between my legs
but I don't like remembering that you were fond of the same thing.
I don't like going to supermarkets and remembering all your favorite foods
as if I was mourning someone who never truly loved me.
I don't like the way your name slides so easily across my tongue
but stings the roof of my mouth as if it were poison.
such a sweet poison

I dont like the way smooth skin feels underneath my fingertips
maybe that's why I liked the way our bodies intertwined so rigidly.

I cant remember a time when I didn't wake up early

and feel the sunlight pool onto my eyelashes.

I cant remember a time when I didn't bite my lip

when your name was mentioned.

I don't want to remember you ever being here

feeling the indent on the mattress only your body could make.

I cant remember a time when I saw headlights approach the car I occupied

and hoped they didn't stop.

2012